Marital separation is no joke. Dealing with a divorce can be very easy for some people while for some, it may be a traumatizing experience. The longer you stay in a marriage, the harder it gets to move on. Older men tend to have a very hard time getting over a divorce.
For men over 40, life after divorce is like turning over a new leaf following the most enigmatic chapter of your life. Life ain’t written easily for any of us. There will be ebbs and flows – that’s how life works. You need to adapt to the new flows and make yourself strong enough to deal with the bad surges. If necessary, take some time to heal and come back stronger!
There are no distinct rules set for life after divorce for men over 40. But to have an overview of how to deal with these situations, we strongly suggest you to read the entire article.
Post-Divorce Struggles
Getting a divorce may be the hardest decision you ever make. Quitting a life with the woman you have loved for years can’t be an easy task. Men may not be expressive about their thoughts and feelings, by nature. But they can have broken hearts too.
A lot of men find grieving to be embarrassing. But psychology says, grieving is the most important step in dealing with any trauma. If you keep choking back your emotions, at one point it may lead to something bad or serious.
Grieving is not something to be ashamed of. Nobody lives a smooth life. Talk about your problems; everyone has problems they are ashamed to talk about.
After a divorce, you start a new chapter. It’s quite understandable that, hitting the restart button already – is not that easy. You have to deal with so many changes all at once.
Cooking your own food, taking out the garbage, doing your own laundry or even tidying up the house when guests come over, paying the bills alone, dining alone all these can be hard to deal with. Start coping with the changes for your own sake.
The heartbreak erases the ‘trust’ folder from your brain. When you give up all your comfort for someone else, when you give in too much of yourself and get your heart broken instead, it’s quite normal to become scared of commitments. Life doesn’t always turn out the same way always. Don’t be too hard on yourself!
Why Is It Hard to Move On After A Divorce?
When you get used to the presence of someone but you no longer live with them, you start to miss them every second. It happens to everyone. Moving on from a traumatic experience is the hardest part of your personal growth.
No matter what age you are or how strong and independent you are, you will always want to have someone who will love you unconditionally. When you stay in a marriage for long, you both become more than just lovers. You become best friends. You share every detail of your life with them. You live a crucial part of your life together.
That’s why it’s so hard to move on. But you will move one. You just have to focus on what makes you happy and let time heal the scar which it will eventually.
How to Get Over A Divorce: For Men Over 40
I would like to share the process of moving on from my own experience. But first, thank yourself and be grateful for how far you have come until now. Now embrace the changes and get ready to move forward.
- Time will heal you:
The first thing you need to understand is that the pain won’t last forever. I am not saying you are not allowed to talk about your pain. Cry your heart out; let out your emotions.
Get yourself closure. Because once this ends, you won’t be looking back ever again. You will come out as a reformed soul.
- Learn to deal with the loneliness:
Living with someone often makes you so dependent on them even for the silliest things.
This is your new life. It was supposed to happen this way. You have better things in store for you and they are destined to come this way. Embrace it and learn to live by yourself.
- Indulge in things that make you happy:
Do your favorite things. Listen to your favorite music, stop by the cafe you love, get a pet. Take care of your mental health. A fraction of men is reported to be suicidal after divorce. Don’t harm yourself for the mistakes someone else made. Your life is a gift.
Be happy and do things that make you happy. Make new hobbies. You can try painting, creating your own blog, doing some writing, or whatever makes you happy.
- Get rid of her memories and her stuff:
This is the most important task you have to do. Anything that is related to your past or even has a remote connection with it, get rid of it. Or it may trigger your pain in the future.
Throw them away or donate them to charities. If you can do it then have a yard sale and sell them off. However, you can, just make them disappear from your life.
- Socialize:
Make new friends or hang out with the ones you already have. Toxic people bring down your self-esteem, stay away from them. Engage with people who bring out the positivity in you and boost up your confidence.
If you don’t have many friends to talk to, join the groups, or consult a therapist. It helps more than you can imagine.
- Go on a self-help book binge:
There are a thousand books on self-love and they are so helpful in boosting up your energy. Read books, make a journal.
Highlight the quotes that touch your heart and try to implement them, a little by little. This really helps in your personal growth.
- Find someone else (When you are ready):
Friends, peers and family will try to talk you into starting dating over again.
But don’t do things under pressure. Having one-night stands or friends with benefits after 40 isn’t really a healthy thing to do. Good things take time. Start dating whenever you are ready.
- Fulfill your long-lost ambitions:
Rediscover your unexecuted plans. You may have even forgotten the things you loved to do when you signed up for a long-term relationship.
Discover those long-lost ambitions and shift all of your focus towards them. Drowning in ambition can be harmful but for the time being it can be a medicine for your depression. Just make sure you actually enjoy what you do and don’t just use it to block internal emotional struggles.
It may take months or years but one day you will look back and feel proud for how far you have come and that you have finally moved on!
Conclusion
Talking about divorce is considered a taboo in many societies. People even criticize you behind your back. But don’t let these bring you down. Life after divorce for men over 40 can be hard. But this is not the end of your world. Embrace the process and heal yourself.
Trust me, one day when you have finally moved on, you will be grateful for going through this phase. This is the best lesson of your life. It’s sad that you have to learn it the hard way but this is meant to be a big part of your journey. Thank you for reading the entire article with patience. Good luck with your life!
